Parts Work Session: A Real Example of Working With Self-Sabotage
PARTS WORK • REAL SESSION • VIDEO SERIES FROM 2020
This article expands on a two-part Parts Work video series Miia and I recorded in May 2020. The first video explains how we understood and used Parts Work at the time, and the second is a real session where we explored a part of me that seemed to be holding me back from financial abundance.
Parts Work is a way of exploring the different parts of ourselves that can want, fear and believe very different things. Miia and I started using Parts Work, including ideas from Internal Family Systems (IFS), years ago to understand our triggers, relationships and the behaviors that sometimes looked like self-sabotage.
Have you ever really wanted something, but found yourself doing almost the opposite?
You want to move forward with a project, but you procrastinate. You want a relationship, but you keep avoiding people. You want more intimacy, but another part of you keeps escaping into work. You want to be seen, but when attention actually comes toward you, something inside wants to hide.
For me, Parts Work became one of the most useful ways to explore these kinds of inner conflicts.
Instead of only asking, “Why am I doing this to myself?”, Parts Work gave us another question:
“What part of me is doing this, and what is it trying to protect?”
What Is Parts Work?
When Miia and I made these videos, we had already been using Parts Work for around two years. We used it to explore triggers, understand ourselves better, work with patterns in our relationship, and look at the inner conflicts that seemed to block things we consciously wanted.
Our approach was not a strict application of one method. We had studied Internal Family Systems (IFS), Voice Dialogue and Teal Swan’s approach to Parts Work, and over time we mixed elements that felt useful to us. At the time, many of the people who found my work came through the Teal Swan community, so that influence was also part of the context around how we practiced Parts Work.
The basic idea was simple: different aspects of us can want very different things at the same time.
One part may want closeness. Another may be afraid of being hurt.
One part may want success. Another may associate visibility with danger.
One part may want to eat differently. Another may use food to create comfort or escape.
From the outside, this can look like laziness, inconsistency or self-sabotage. From the inside, there can be a real conflict between different needs.
Part 1: What Parts Work Is and How We Used It
In the first video, we explain how we understood these different inner parts.
At the time, we often spoke about some parts as protectors. Their behavior might be frustrating in the present, but when we followed the thread underneath it, there was usually a reason why that strategy had developed.
For example, a part that does not want to show vulnerability may be trying to avoid rejection. A part that keeps you invisible may believe visibility is unsafe. A part that creates resistance to inner work may be afraid that opening something emotional will become too overwhelming.
This changed the way I related to resistance.
If I immediately fight the part that is resisting, I can create even more internal conflict. But if I become curious about it, I can sometimes understand what it is actually afraid of.
Following the Feeling Instead of Forcing an Answer
One of the things we used from IFS was paying attention to the body and following what we called the thread.
You might begin with a strong emotional reaction, a feeling of guilt, anxiety, tension, resistance or a body sensation that seems connected to the issue.
Then instead of analysing everything intellectually, you stay with what is happening.
Where do I feel it?
What happens when I give it attention?
What does this part seem to want?
What is it afraid would happen if I did the thing I consciously want to do?
Sometimes we also used what we called channeling. By that we did not mean something supernatural. We meant intentionally putting attention on one particular part and allowing ourselves to speak from its perspective for a while.
This is exactly what we did in the second video.
A Real Parts Work Session Around Financial Abundance
We started the session with a very specific intention.
I wanted to connect with the part of me that was holding me back the most from manifesting more financial abundance.
At first, there was no clear story.
I felt discomfort in my chest and belly. There was a kind of emptiness and panic. I could not immediately explain it.
As I stayed with it, the feeling became more specific.
I wanted to hide.
There was a sense of too much attention coming toward me. I wanted to withdraw, become unseen and disappear from the focus of other people.
This was interesting because consciously I was doing exactly the opposite. I was making videos, sharing publicly and trying to reach more people through our work.
But the part I was connecting with did not want that exposure at all.
The Issue Was Not Really Money
As the session continued, it became clearer that the discomfort was connected to being visible to people who might judge or dislike me.
I could feel a strong wish to avoid judgment, hatred and the feeling of being exposed.
Then a childhood memory came up.
When I was in fifth grade, a teacher chose me for a kind of monitoring role in the classroom. When the teacher was away, I was expected to watch what was happening and report certain behavior.
That suddenly put me in a very visible position with the other children.
I had been relatively invisible, and now I was placed in a role where some of my classmates directed anger and hostility toward me.
During the session, I felt a connection between that experience and what was happening in my adult life.
Being visible had become connected with being targeted.
And now I was again putting myself in a position where I was visible, teaching, sharing ideas and standing publicly for things.
The financial question had opened a completely different door.
What Looks Like Self-Sabotage May Have Its Own Logic
This is one of the things I find most interesting about Parts Work.
Before understanding a part, its behavior can look completely irrational.
Why would I want to reach more people and at the same time pull away from visibility?
Why would I want financial abundance and at the same time have a strong reaction to one of the things that could help create it?
But from the perspective of that younger part, there was a logic:
If being visible leads to rejection and hostility, then hiding is protection.
The goal of the session was not to attack that part or force it to disappear. It was to understand why it was there, let it express what it was afraid of, and help it notice that the present situation was not identical to the past.
Then and Now Are Not Always the Same
As a child, I had very little choice about the environment I had to return to every day.
As an adult, the situation was different.
I could choose who I spent time with. I could leave relationships and environments that were harmful. I could decide how much access people had to me. And being disliked by someone on the internet was not the same situation as being a child trapped in a classroom where I had to return every day.
For me, this is often an important part of inner work: allowing an old reaction to discover the difference between what was true then and what is true now.
From “I Am This Feeling” to “A Part of Me Feels This”
Another thing I like about Parts Work is the space it can create around an emotion.
Instead of only saying, “I am afraid,” I can notice: “A part of me is afraid.”
Instead of, “I don’t want this,” it may become: “One part of me wants this, and another part is afraid of what could happen if I get it.”
That small shift can change the whole conversation.
I am no longer trying to prove that one side is right and the other is wrong. I can become curious about both.
This was also one of the reasons Miia and I found Parts Work useful in relationships. When there is a trigger between two people, it can be difficult to see anything beyond the immediate reaction. Recognizing that a part is activated can create enough space to understand what is actually happening underneath.
A Question You Can Explore Yourself
If there is something you consciously want but keep moving away from, you can try asking:
“What is the part of me that does not want this afraid would happen if I actually got it?”
You do not need to force an answer.
Notice what happens in your body. Notice images, memories, emotions or resistance that arise. Sometimes the first response is not the deepest one.
For me, a session that started with money eventually became a session about visibility, rejection and an experience from childhood that I had not consciously connected to my adult work.
That is why I still find this approach valuable.
The thing that seems to be blocking us can sometimes be the doorway into understanding ourselves more deeply.
Parts Work FAQ
What is Parts Work?
Parts Work is a way of exploring different inner parts that may carry different fears, needs, beliefs and protective strategies. In our own work, we used it to understand triggers, inner conflict and patterns that were difficult to make sense of from the outside.
What happens in a Parts Work session?
A session can begin with a current issue, reaction or body sensation and follow what emerges underneath it. In the session above, what began as a question about financial abundance eventually led to visibility, rejection and a childhood experience.
Is Parts Work the same as IFS?
Not exactly. Internal Family Systems is one specific therapeutic model. Our approach was influenced by IFS, but also by Voice Dialogue, Teal Swan and our own experience, so I would not describe what we practiced as strict IFS.
Why can protective parts look like self-sabotage?
Because a part may be trying to prevent something it associates with danger, even when another part of you consciously wants the opposite. What looks like self-sabotage can sometimes make more sense once you understand what that part is afraid of.
Want to Explore Your Own Parts?
If you would like to explore this kind of inner work with support, you can read more about my one-to-one work.
For another perspective on emotional triggers, explore my article on psychological projection in relationships.